Mother Love- Inside or Outside?

Mother Love

Some stories are so poignant. It makes the human experience beautiful, painful and reveals the nature of love in all its intensity, depth and beauty. This story touched me deeply.

I have been deeply touched by the work of Dr. Demartini. Here is a real life anecdote of what his work does from his book, ‘The Breakthrough Experience’. It also resonates with the work of Byron Katie. The work of these people is such an awesome way to discover..

We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are’ and indeed

‘Everything happens for us, not to us’  – Katie

So I share this from the book of Demartini mentioned above:

Conventional wisdom believes that love is only the nice, positive, and supportive side of that equation, but the synthesis of the two halves is a vastly more powerful noumenon, which I call love. This universal principle applies in the most extreme situations and circumstances, not just in minor negatives and difficulties.
I once had the opportunity to work with an intense man who, when I asked him who in his life he had the biggest emotional charge on, said, “Well, I guess that would be my mother. If she were alive, I’d put out a contract to have her killed.”
His mother had been a drug-addicted prostitute who had tried to kill him not once, but many times, and eventually committed suicide. He‘d been taken away from her while still very young, and had been placed in an orphanage, then a foster home. Later he visited his old neighborhood and checked hospital and other records. He had recalled only few of the incidents, but discovered but discovered almost unbelievable history of so called violence. He found that she had stabbed and poisoned him, and had done just about everything you could imagine to take his life, but he had survived it all.

His mother had two sides, the side that wanted him disposed of, and the side that didn’t. I set out to help him find the other side of her love, and at first he just looked at me as if I were crazy. Since I know the full quantum principle, we just kept digging. I asked him to recall where he had done exactly what he accused her of, in someone else’s perception, and he flat –out refused that he could be anything like her. With perservence, we unearthed every single thing he resented her for his in own life, though in his own expressed forms.
This man was a prosecution lawyer who’d never lost a case. He had once prosecuted his best friend who felt stabbed in the back by him, and their relationship was poisoned. Defense lawyers felt overwhelmed and smothered by his legal skills; as if they’d had the wind knocked out of them and couldn’t speak. Defendants felt exposed, naked, and vulnerable on the stand against him. The people he put away for life felt that he had stolen their lives and killed them.

We found everything his mother had done to him, in his own form. Although he would never owned it before, and had never brought those two sides together, he saw how he was just like her.

He was relatively wealthy and successful, a survivor who feared no one. He’d would already been through the worst, and his indomitable will to live literally blazed from his eyes. When he finally saw the gifts his mother had given him- his will, strength, determination, and his whole career of protecting society from aggressors- he opened his heart to his mother. It was astonishing how much love he felt for the woman who had tried to kill him so many times. He saw that it was all love – that she wasn’t going to be there , so she had perfectly prepared him to take care of himself, an extreme version of “ a Boy named Sue,” the character in the song by Shel Silverstien and Johnny Cash.
The instant this man saw the blessings that came from his extraordinary experiences, and that the benefits perfectly balanced the difficulties, his heart spontaneously opened upto his mother. His face lost ten years and seem to radiate light. The deep but the repressed love he had always had for her came flooding out. That experience changed his life. He stopped trying to seek revenge upon her by proxy, and changed his career, going into preventive law to help people before they get into to justice system and were imprisoned. He stopped judging his mother so deeply and began to release his many judgments of himself and others.

“In a dark time, the eye begins to see.”

You are a full-quantum being, but in your mind, you can be fooled and deny or disown half of yourself. When you imagine that you have more positives than negatives, you disown half of your experience, and the negativity becomes your disowned part. Ironically, whatever you disown in yourself you attract into your life in one form or the other. You marry your disowned parts, become business partners with them, and attract them as clients and friends. Whatever you don’t want to see or appreciate in yourself, you keep attracting into life until you learn to love it. You can’t escape your full quantum.
When you open your heart by acknowledging the magnificent design of the universe that you’ve been given, with no mistakes, just positive and negative homing devices to guide you, you start to be grateful. Gratitude is the key that opens the gateway of the heart and allows the unified field theory of love to fill your life. Gratitude makes you present with whatever you are doing. You are not here to run from away from sadness to happiness, because fulfillment is not possible when you deny half of your existence. Either side alone is only half-fillment. Something grand and far beyond either of those fleeting emotional states is available to you. This book is not about the myth of happiness; it’s about the truth of balanced perception that brings you back to love.

Would be interesting to hear what did this make you feel..

A 10 minute Vacation

How might we enable a new dawn in our lives and that of others who matter- our family and colleagues, friends and children- At Godspeed. In baby steps.

While darker forces, fear-oriented energies are visible, to many of us what is also apparent is that a new dawn is being born. We received this lovely poem from some time back.


Can you see it?
Can you see the golden shimmer of awakening
along the vast horizon
of human consciousness?

Can you hear the song of Gaia (Earth)
in joyous celebration
of this precious truth?

Can you feel the gentle warmth of love
rising in your heart?

It’s time my friends!
It’s time to open wide your door,
to give permission
and let the light flood in
and to embrace
this great new dawning.

~Christi Becker~

While many of us sense this birth, a key question is how might we fully participate in enabling it. I am sure some of us have wondered about this. We have not only wondered but wrestled, struggled and actively sought the answer. Which has been a bit elusive though right under our noses. Many of you know how fond I am of paradoxes 😉

The idea is very simple – but may not be easy though it appears utterly do-able. What I am suggesting is to schedule a 5 min break (if possible two!)- what I call ‘Enlight Spaces’ in your day. The idea is to make a shift (‘shift’ I reckon is the unit of transformation- like ‘km’ is a unit of distance and ‘sec.’ a unit of time!) –

A shift from a ‘Robotic Routine’ to ‘Rejuvenating Rhythm’,
… from being a slave to mind patterns to embracing the heart
… from being caught up in the matrix to being free to truly choose

Essentially letting go of the grip of the past/future and inhabit the glowing present. Isn’t that the only journey in a sense?

So, this will take less than 2 minutes- right now, take a pen and make a list of as many things as you can think of that you deeply enjoy. For example, reading, music, nature and more. I suspect that most of you should be able to make a list of at least 10 things in just 2-3 minutes. And I have made a list also (by no means exhaustive) which is below – which you can jump to- but better to make your own first. So that you can own it and also add to it.

The key in this practice is to do it only for 10 minutes- and then stop! And just notice how you are feeling- in your body. Don’t expect anything but be ready for everything. If you want to do it for longer, do it after this noticing and start again consciously after the 10 min acknowledging the choice you are making.

1. Reading something that you have been wanting to or something different from what you normally read. The reading habit has been a big casualty to the crazy busy lifestyles.

2. Listen to some soulful music– Could be instrumental, vocal, classic, jazz, old Hindi songs, new Tamil ones- anything that you enjoy/can bring a shift- music is truly a wonderful doorway to the soul.

3. Call up an old friend, your spouse or anyone in the family – Just surprise them. A good way is to think of what you truly appreciate about them and genuinely express it. Notice how it makes you feel.

4. A thank-you note to the Universe or an email/sms to a friend- We forget to focus on the blessings and so much that is going well. Just picking up a paper and actually writing down what you are grateful for today, this week can be very nourishing.

5. Something that engages the Body- It could be a simple walk to a more fun ‘creative joint play’- moving the joints freely in brand new ways- never fails to shift the energy.

6. Breathe– Deeply inhale and exhale. It brings your body and mind together by connecting you with the heart and indeed ‘spirit’. Another word for inhalation, Inspiration is derived from ‘Spirit’.

7. Appreciate someone or something in your surrounding. Appreciation adds depth, sparkle and texture to life.

Chances are you have gone through this and not acted on it. And that is fine. But you may surprise yourself what may happen if you just take a 2 to 3 minute pause and Do one of these things or something that your heart is asking of you. Right now. Here.

And if you.. or don’t .. do share in a comment if you feel like .. so that others may connect  and perhaps be inspired.

The Incredible 30.. and more ;-)

School of Ancient wisdom
Providing the ambience
For the body, heart and soul

A bunch of 33 😉 fascinating young folk
Engaged in a journey
That promises to lovingly rock the country.
In some ways..
It already has..

Such simplicity, such innocence, such creativity..
A caring from the soul..

Unbelievable parallels..
Finishing sentences another has begun..
Fascinated with how two people can see, think
Feel .. so similarly..

We laughed, we cried,
We listened, we shared
Stories, aspirations, perspirations 😉
We wondered
And were silent..

Loving what is..
While playing with all that is..
Creating, co-creating..
Honoring what emerges..

Spacious journeys..
Deep questions..
Moving from the simplistic (the superficial) to the complex
the profoundly simple

bridging gaps between
knowing and doing.. walking and talking..
practising and preaching..
by loving the gap..
not fighting with it.. denying it..
but, indeed
being with it..

‘as a facilitator,
is it more important to be detached or engaged?’
I ask
‘after engagement there is marriage’
I am told..
Spontaneous laugher..

In Hebrew means a happiness that generates laughter..
When the soul contacts deeper and deeper layers of reality,
It laughs..

Becoming willing to accept,
Even look forward to what
We have been resisting and fighting for years!
Sometimes, 10, 15 or more..
Can there be something that’s more important?

Feel blessed.. feel held, cradled
By something larger..
That breathes thru us.. that cries thru us..
That celebrates
All that is..
Thru us..

– kiran gulrajani, 24 may 2010

Post script..

the blessing continues and grows

Synchronous, spontaneous meetings
With another bunch of incredible people..
Scientists, ayurvedic scholars,
People from uk, usa..
Integrative medicine,
Genome biologists,
Attempting to bridge the gaps,
To co-create.. to see how
The wonder and richness of the ancient Indian
Art and science of well being can thrive and touch the lives of
The many who are suffering..

School originally means leisure …

I discovered that ‘School’ originally means Leisure, Spare time (Gk. skhole “leisure, spare time,”). This was a retreat with Rajesh Dalal, a dear friend, a simple wonderful soul, an inspiration.. who spent 10 years with J. Krishnamurthi. And this lovely bunch of K-school teachers, children he was working with. It took me 2 days travel up and down to be with him and them for 2 days- but it was well worth it. I just might work for a few weeks with children to learn from them – to discover the child within.. to shift from the comfort of the mind to the tenderness of the heart. Which is what I experienced with these wonderful folk.

A simplicity

That’s not simplistic
An innocence
That’s not ignorant
A spontaneity
That’s not impulsive

Encountering ..
Awesome spirit
Great possibility

Gently delighting
As I listen
To birds that fascinated them- the sounds, colors, movement,
The silent mystery
Acting in theatre while watching..
‘these two eyes need to be open always’
How a touch enables trust
Body resisting what the mind accepts
Ventriloquist birds 😉

The seeds haven’t sprouted outside yet
Clearly they are blossoming inside
Treat the camera like your two eyes
Lets move it slowly, gradually
Star gazing
Lying down till midnight
So many shooting stars,
So many great bears 😉

Why don’t we see dead birds?
Why? Never?

Birds got stuck
The farmer said,
‘don’t worry, the message will get across’
And it did
But mosquitoes don’t learn
Because they have our blood in them? 😉

When you are truly interested,
attention focusses
Can we shift from watching birds, stars, nature..
To just watching- ourselves and it all?

A simplicity
That touches
A place
Perhaps deeper
than the heart
the summer school

a gentle nudge

a soft touch
a gentle nudge
a simple word
a loving glance

is all it takes
to make space
for grace

nothing much
no elaborate effort
no major tsunami

lives can shift
relationships can blossom
careers can take flight
abundance can smile
health can radiate

all it takes
is a gentle nudge
a soft word
a simple touch
a loving look

its not about time
not even perhaps space
it may require tho’
a slower pace
just a wee bit slower
making space

to pause
to listen to the whisper,
to the song
of your heart
of an other


This was written before the last post – ‘of tsunamis and gentle nudges’ – I have seen and also often been told that one of my gifts is gentleness and while that’s mostly true, what is also true is that sometimes the gentleness masks an aggression which peeps out. I am becoming aware of this and coming to terms with it. So that I can live more authentically and in integrity.

What is also interesting is that there have been some occasions when this aggression has got expressed lovingly.. and it has shifted people’s lives! Especially because they didn’t expect it from me! It is generally good to be conscious of being ‘caught’ in a pattern – in this case, of gentleness.

A dear friend told me his career shifted in the moment I told him, ‘What the #”@* are you doing with your life?’ with an intensity that he had not normally seen in me.  And i had for years been ‘gently’ telling him to shift 😉 Another friend who was in ‘tao of facilitation’ said, that at one point when she was going on and on, suddenly, with a uncommon force I said, ‘STOP!’ It worked like a Zen stick and from that moment onwards, the need to prove herself has dropped.

Obviously these moments cannot be ‘done’ anymore than they ‘happen’. And hence it would be unwise to take any credit for it. When grace chooses, it uses us in moments like these. The more we can be available and allow that to flow, one life touches another. Its precious to observe this. And play with being ‘unKiran’ (not deliberately, but consciously). I was advised to be ‘unKiran’ on two occasions by some close friends 😉  – else the tired stereotype clouds the authentic flow of the moment.

Of tsunamis and gentle nudges..

Have you noticed, Kiran, how moving towards a great dream summons from life’s jungles the fiercest lions, the scariest tigers, and the grizzliest bears… who eventually turn out to be the noblest teachers, the bravest guides, and the dearest friends?

You’re on your way,

The Universe

Hmmmm… How the universe speaks.. is uncanny. Mike Dooley’s ‘Notes from the Universe’ are my absolute favorite as a daily gentle wake up call. Like this one. Reminder of the incredible beauty of the grand design. Thanks, Deepti for pointing me to this one!

One thing is certain- perhaps 😉 ..

As of now at least  it seems pretty certain.. that my life is about navigating paradoxes, contradictions, ironies, oxymorons..  what have you! Essentially about learning and teaching the science and art of balancing, centering… also known as being in the Now.

As soon as I get an insight about how.. all it  often requires is ‘a gentle nudge’ to shift from the drift- to heal, to wake up – and a poem happens ..

The universe delivers a tsunami .. humbling me.. bringing me to my knees..

Revealing to me deeper layers of reality… how, for example.. a gentle nudge for one may land as a tsunami to another.

Not long after I put my first ever blog post.. on ‘Slowing down to speed up’, I am shown how I need to slow down. Reminding me yet again.. that .. I and perhaps all of us .. end up teaching what we most need to learn.

A precious lesson captured beautifully by my dear friend, Nithya Shanti in his recent facebook status: My teacher Ajahn Chah said that contrary to what people believe, the more one ripens in wisdom, the more uncertain things become. He would often say, “Mai nae” – not sure, not a sure thing! Any sentence spoken without regard to uncertainity (e.g. “see you tomorrow!”) he considered not a wise statement

And without a shade of doubt, what appears to be a painful tsunami is accompanied by profoundly loving waves of love and healing. I am reminded of a dear friend, Nilima’s skype status which is something like.. ‘The will of god will never take you to a place where the grace of God doesn’t cradle  you’

And I was cradled – and how- yesterday, day before .. and come to think of it- each day!

What dreams may come…

Gay Hendricks and his wife Katie have been two of my dearest teachers. A friend, Raymond Moses picked up Gay’s book ‘Corporate Mystic’ in 1999 at the Bangalore airport. Looks like it was meant for me. Deep resonance. I wrote to him soon as I read the book and before I knew I was in his program in the US! Many years later I went to the US again and had the immense blessing of spending a day with him at his home in Ojai. What dreams may come is a beautiful movie produced by him and I wrote this pome in 2005 after spending the day with him. A true-blood Gemini North Node (more of that in a different blog post. Jan Spillers book- Astrology for the Soul is awesome)

Splash of color – a vibrant expression of the alive being
Gay’s laughter, Katie’s presence even in her absence,
A 370 year old oak tree,
Love, its subtle totality,

Ramana and Nisargadatta
Spontaneous conversation, an easy flow
A book in the making, a journey unfolding
The India possibility

Books, quotes, paintings, rare pieces of art
The little Zen companion, The blessings already are!
Lovely espresso, Baked potatoes and cheese, Red wine,
A visit to the farmer’s market

J.Krishnamurthy..A walk in his space,
An experience of his energy- the head and the heart.
Ironical journey of ‘spiritual’ masters
‘God, please wake me up before I die’

Awesome simplicity,
Abundant life,
Tangerines, Lucy, Crystal balls
The presence of grace

Orchestration of the universe,
Meditation with Gay
Profound listening.
Lexigrams- Silent in Listen, Now in Wonder
Revealing to revel in the real

Things inconsequential, quite ordinary,
Imbued with joy,
Like the mild fragrance of flowers
Childlike curiosity

So much magic in less than a day,
Without an overwhelm
Here on earth,
What dreams may come.

-kiran gulrajani, 2005

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